Loose Girl Characters
In the past few months I’ve been back in contact with some surprising folks – of course, I sought many of them out, so maybe not that surprising to me. It all started on a little social network you might know called Facebook. On there I found “Heath,” “Eli,” “Leif” (although I’d already been somewhat in contact with him), “Paul,” and a few others who held less space on the pages of Loose Girl. I also found lots of the girlfriends, but I’ll get to that in a moment.
One of my favorite things to do has been sending messages on Facebook to various men, along with a friend request, that has gone something like this: “Hi. No idea if you even remember me, but I wrote a memoir called I Have Issues with Boys and Sex, and you’re in it!” Then I wait to see what they do. Some have been gracious. They clearly grew up. They can laugh at our shared past, or the fact that I wrote about it, and they seem to understand that – even though it isn’t fair; I fully admit that it isn’t – I wrote a memoir about me and they have a minimal role in that. When I say “some”, though, I only mean two.
Some were furious. Well, one started off as being super interested (in himself in a book) and felt I did a fair assessment of him, but wound up revealing that he was in fact enraged. The ones who are angry say they felt that way because they believed they were unprotected, that I included too many identifying details. I hear that. Really. Like I said, it isn’t fair that the secondary characters in memoirs get used for the purposes of the author. And I agree. I didn’t change enough identifying details for some. I should have. Lesson learned. It won’t happen again. But…there’s some narcissism here too. I mean, the book is about me, not them. What’s more, we’re talking about things that happened 15-20 years ago. My favorite was that one of them said I revealed his drug use… he still uses drugs! Everyone knows! Does he think he’s kidding anyone?
Two did not respond to me at all, but they friended me. Then one of them must have read the book, because a few months later, he removed me from his friend list.
Renewed contact with the women in the book has been almost solely positive. I’m happily good friends with “Rebecca” again, made peace with one of the “Jennifers”, and can now count a number of the unfairly named “blond girls” as supporters of my book. I also made a new friend – a woman who was previously engaged to one of the men I wrote about, and who contacted me on Facebook to say, “Your portrayal of him is exactly right, and he’s exactly the same today, maybe worse.” The only woman in the book who was angry, and for the same reason as those angry men mentioned above, was “Amy,” who wrote me an email that said, rather passively aggressively, I thought, “I do not take issue with your alteration of the facts of our shared past.However, I was surprised to read how much regret you seem to harbor towards our friendship and your obvious hostility towards me.” Then she asked me to change a certain identifying detail in future printings. Right. I’m sure my publisher will get right on that for you.
December 23rd, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Yeah, what is it with people who add you and then STILL don’t reply? That confounds me…
December 24th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
I’ve learned that you can’t force people to come to terms with their past…or present- in a couple of cases of ‘friends’ of mine on FB…people either grow up or they don’t. LOL@ the guy still using drugs….not because he’s still using them but because he’s pissed that “now the world nows!”..I found that funny because it strikes a chord with me about a old friend. Well, adulthood is for closure and regaining friendships that were we lost due to past transgressions-we screw up shit as kids and make up for it when we’re older- that’s how it always will be.
I’ve met a bunch of old people on FB and other places that either take the “water under the bridge” attitude or never speak to me again- sometimes over the most stupid things we did as kids (and by kids, I mean anyone younger than me, lol).
February 6th, 2009 at 11:20 am
I just finished your book. I purchased it while on holiday with my husband in Glasgow this summer. I have often thought I would write, providing I could, about my past. I concluded your book last night; all I could do was cry-my husband had no clue why and I don’t know if I could even tell him. The courage, strength and painful insight it must have taken to write this is very evident for anyone who has “been there.” For those men and women of the past, it’s only painful if they haven’t done the same personal insight. The self-righteous idea that “they” should be protected baffles me. Like you said, it’s not about them, it’s about you. If they don’t want someone in their private life…why are they part of a social network such as Facebook, where daily, they share their day to day activity (via photos, posts, etc)?
I don’t know you personally, but all I can say….Thank you.
March 6th, 2009 at 8:49 am
I’m newly eighteen,and when i read your book i sobbed, unable to control the overwhelming truth that sprang from the pages. I am your mistakes. I was every rejection,every boy who never cared, i was every angry emotion, i was nothing at all. I delved into the same harmful cycle, always justifying the actions of men who hurt me. i involved myself with men much older, much wiser than I to my own naivity. You shed light on my life. The death of my mother, the abandonment of mmy father, too immature to be a parent, led me to my own jaded path. On this journey i sought control,love,power..I got such gratification out of the conquests, shamelessly adding them up in my head, much like a man adds another notch to their belt. I’ve added notches, and have been added, and its now i see there’s really no good in belts at all, symbolically speaking. After all my pain,after all the denial, and then final the grand realization of my own crumbling self -worth, i found my current boyfriend. he treats me with respect and never in my life have i felt such love-it scares the hell out of me. Just as you struggled with the newness of a real love with your husband, i struggle, afraid he’ll stop loving me, or i’ll push him away. My point however, is to thank you. I’ve never had a role model, nor a hero, and I just wanted to say i admire your courage, you are my hero
September 1st, 2009 at 1:16 am
Well i picked your book from a library. I am a man in my early 30′s. I never had good sex in life so far, neither i chased enough girl to fulfil my dream. But your book, turns me on…fills me with energy to go for the race. I am not blaming you but yes that much powerful the book is. I finished your book in two days, and hoping into night clubs/bars restlessly to find the one i feel i am connected to, to have good time with her and satisfy myself. Probably i also feel the sameway you felt in teens but the man way !
October 29th, 2009 at 10:53 am
I finished your book last night and all I can say is THANK YOU!