My name is Emily, I’m from Kansas. I completey identifiy with Kerry. It was like she was writing my story. I remember letting guys who were less than attractive touch me just for the rush that was, “finally, someone likes me”. As an adult, I want that forever love.  After reading Kerry’s book I know that I’m not alone, I’m not the only person who experienced this and I don’t have to keep living this way. Thank you, Kerry for writing this book.  I’m sure it was hard, but you will be helping so many people.  You definately helped me.

The book was amazing. I’m not a big reader and for some reason I went into Borders saturday. The book caught my eye. I read the entire thing within two days. I feel the story is of my life as well. I can relate to almost everything Kerry says. The things she does, the reasons she does them, is exactly like me. I’m only 25 but much wiser than my years. Its really nice to know someone else out there went through the same things I have. It’s also nice to know that even thought you may be promiscuous while young, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you Kerry for writing your story.

The loose girl is still in there.  Sometimes in my dreams.  Sometimes in my fantasies.  Sometimes in catching the eye of the hot guy in line at the grocery store.I’m 51 years old and have been a recovering loose girl since I was 34.  But not before my ways got me into more trouble than I can now even imagine, not until my ways led me to be cruel to some innocent bystanders in my life, and not until I dragged myself through places where “a nice girl like me” should never have been. I have a Ph.D in clinical psychology.  I should have known better.  I am a mother of 4.  I should have known better.  I am from a “good family.”  I should have known better.  I was taught to value myself and to believe in myself.  I should have known better.  I was taught to know better.  AND I should have known better.I cry for you and I rejoice for you.  I can’t cry for myself or rejoice for myself. If guys look at me with hunger, the loose girl will come back out.  No one wants to look at the chubby woman so I eat too much.I can be invisible and hide the loose girl. I can hide FROM the loose girl.I am afraid of the loose girl.  The loose girl causes trouble, breaks hearts, breaks trust, and breaks herself down.The loose girl acts like she is above all that.It’s my body. I like sex. Who cares?Just bravado.Just the shame of the loose girl.Not empowered at all.Powerless.Thanks for giving us a voice!

Hi Kerry;
Went to Borders and your book caught my eye. Like Emily I can identify with your life and tell you that it is a great book and must have been hard to write everything down. Almost like reliving the pain you carry and that emptiness you felt, maybe still feel many days.
I am in my 50′s now and many times I can look back at my early years and ask” what if?”
I grew up in Manhattan, roamed the streets looking for something. Maybe it was acceptance, love or being part of group. But it didn’t matter. I didn’t want to be a lone.
Regardless of what others may write or think of your book, I feel  maybe It will explain that it is an addiction and for many young women it will tell them that they can get beyond it. That they are worth something to someone.
So don’t care what they write about your life, they simply don’t understand, They never felt that emitiness.
Good luck with your future writings. I will keep my eye out for them.
B

I’d rather not reveal my name. But instead I will indulge you with the details of my story of being “loose”. I am newly seventeen and was sexually assaulted when I turned 15. Afterwards due to feelings of low self worth I let myself be touched and tainted by any man that smiled my way or gave me attention. I am lucky to have avoided contracting any sort of STD’s but have had several pregnancy scares with men whom I knew for less than an hour. I can relate with your story because of the need for acceptance and understanding while looking for it in all the wrong places. When I read “Loose Girl” a rush of emotions come to mind because I feel sad yet relieved that someone out there knows how I feel. As a way to forget about my past I turn to alcohol sometimes getting so inebriated that I make the same mistakes as before and sleep with someone less than desirable or intelligent. Thank you for writing your book and allowing myself to explain my situation.

My name is Jess. And I am a loose girl.
Went to Borders and saw it. I started looking through it and it really spoke to me. It spoke to me in a way that few books ever have. It hit home for me and it was amazing (and comforting) that there was someone else who understood.

I gave my virginity to a a friend of a friend. We had only physically known each other for 3 hours, but we had talked on the phone and sent emails for over 4 months. Afterwards, he lost interest of course. Breaking my heart. After that I ‘got my revenge’ and slept with any guy who gave me that attention that I craved. I needed to know that I was desirable. I drank too much, did drugs, put myself into possibly dangerous situations. And all for the possibility that they would LOVE me, CRAVE me and NEED me. They never did.
Finally I met the one. And we settled down. He gives me what I need on a consistant basis. And the loose girl is locked away for now.

This book was deeply moving and i remember reading it and having such a wave of emotion surface it brought tears to my eyes.  Our stories of how we got to the path may be slightly different but i too traveled that long road of one night stands and making lists of names long forgotten…maybe it was a conquest for me, a way to feel in control of at least one aspect of my life.  Now at 27 i have finally come to terms with what drove me to act in such a way, and met someone who has taught me to not be scared to let go and let someone love me, to trust another.  It’s never to late to discover our worth, one that is not determined by others- but by ourselves.
Melanie, Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Reading this book, I could swear that it was an insight into my entire life.  The feelings it invoked in me were indescribable, bringing into focus and into question things that I never fully questioned or identified about myself prior to reading it.  I don’t believe that I actually realized the reasons for my own behavior and actions prior to reading this memoir.  It was devastating to me, and yet at the same time, almost a relief, to be able to finally come to terms with the realization and understanding of why I had continually put my physical and emotional self at risk over and over again throughout the years.  This book has made me face what I have never faced, and has made it possible for me to seek the help now know I need in order to begin healing.  I thought I was alone in this  destructive way of life, and although this  is not something that I wish on anyone else, it has been so invaluable to me to know that I am not the only woman who has lived life so destructively and desperately.  Thank you so much for having the courage to come out and share your personal, emotional struggle.  Because you have, you’ve put me on the path to recovery I know I may never have  discovered on my own.  Thanks so much Kerry, so very, very much.

C.R.M.
Louisville, KY

hi kerry,
I’m 20 and I always wondered why I was like that. I thought I was a kind of freak, why no one want to stay with me more than 1 or 2 night, or if they do, it’s because they are my fuck buddy… I’m still here, I move around to try to get a new me, but I still remain the same. your book opened my eyes, an I can now identify myself a bit more… And now I moving again this time with a real envy to make it work, to change things, to rip off this part of me… I really enjoy it, but I need to stop, it’s like an addiction… No one stayd with me for long, I totaly understand them, I can’t ask them to love me for 2, them and me… I always look for approval… thank you very much, I feel less lonely and understood… good luck for the future…
Manu

When I was 17, I moved to Canada from the Middle East by myself and it opened up a lot of feelings of insecurity, not belonging and loneliness. I met a guy that I dated for 3 years (very similar to Leif), at the time I did not really love him or feel any great attachment to him but I loved having the security that someone wanted, needed me. When we broke up, it was very similar to the ending with Leif and even today, years after I feel guilty.
In the 6 months after our break up, I slept with 15 different guys, never the same guy twice. I longed to have one of these boys turn into more than a one night stand. Looking back, they must have felt my neediness. I am still desperate for male attention, and I feel unwanted, ugly and needy. Sometimes, I don’t like aspects of even my personality, why am I so selfish? so loud? so unfocused?
I have hurt my family and friends, and I have forgotten who I am. I want to be a great daughter, a best friend, a good sister and love myself but I have forgotten how. I am planning on moving to New York, I have landed an internship and I think I need a change of environment, a clean slate. Hopefully this move will be different, this time will be different.

The list is too long, I can’t remember all the names, it’s all just part of the blury and cynical hole in my soul. I am 26 and still working on loving and forgiving myself after so many years of being loose and feeling empty and unlovable. I broke a lot of hearts- it didn’t matter how much “he” loved me, it was never enough. I’ve been in a relationship for 2 years, and I am grateful every day for this. But still, she -the loose girl- is there. She’s ALWAYS there and some days I can convince myself I’ve changed, I’m different. But I know better because the ache is still there. This book hit a little too close to home. But it also shines light on some very important lessons females are experiencing. Kerry is brave for steppng up and taking responsibility for her life and reminding us that it’s never too late to break chains and make change.

The who/where has no precedence in the message I convey. Know only that I am a man, without a “Loose” past to understand. I once believed the possibility of such a life sheer madness. Titled so because I once feared you (“Loose”) even meeting this man (me). Determined to never great your acquaintance fate has delivered me a captive of your once painful past’s emotion. See I am recently adjoined (engaged) with a companion (female) who was once enslaven by you. I cannot judge her (I love her whole being present, past, future). I am/will judge you (“Loose”) for ever having a moment with her. Her past unfolden in honesty to me early on became my own improper crutch of insecurity almost dissolving my initial noble intentions. Recognized I now allow you a place deserving of such agonies favor. You are to be the catalyst to my original loves intent. I humbly accept you, I do not great you. I already was that which she seeks in all else, no longer will you confuse her mind for I fill it up now with what you could never offer; true loves accepting permance. She has chosen me, us, promised more than a tomorrow-for this I love her always. To “Loose” I owe nothing…to her I owe my all, for her I will be all. “Loose” you are remembered, forgiven, and replaced by our love – forever! ALYM

I didn’t know for a long time that women could be friends.  The thought that I would spend much effort on making friends with women did not occur to me; I simply “knew” men were the people I had to impress and win. I wanted men to notice me and then somehow want me in a desperate way. They did. Sex? That was a strange place early on, tantalizing but frightening. As years went by sex became exactly what I wished to win, because it told me that I was valuable and beautiful and those things were so important to me. However, it was still, way down deep, frightening.

Life and some close calls with sex have re-ordered me. That and some good women friends. It’s taken long years to locate a woman inside my skin who is sure of her beauty and her value and more years to understand why I wished so for sex and mens adoring eyes.

jj
Wisconsin

I never understood why I was the loose girl until I read your book. I lost count years ago, gave up trying to remember the names. It didn’t matter I meant something to them for those few moments. I now can see the need I had/have for the attention, at 47 I still do.  So many from my past would return over and over, never as a boyfriend always just sex that I willingly gave. Most were athletes so between seasons and travel it was easy to let them back in each time they returned to town or flew me to wherever. I was important enough for them to keep my phone number.
I have been married  for 14 years to a man that accepted my past without understanding it. I didn’t understand it how could he? I am now making decisions that will probably ruin everything. One from my past has returned, my need for his attention is insane. I keep giving in to the craving only to have the pain return, but then I am at least feeling something. I wish I could find the strength you have Kerry. Thank you for helping me to at least understand why I have made so many of the decisions that I have.

Reading Loose Girl was like someone finally articulated my mixed-up feelings whenever a what I hope will turn into a relationship never works out.  I’ve tried to be that girl who doesn’t annoy boys by embodying female stereotypes but it hasn’t worked yet.  I fool around with guys I’m not attracted to just so I can feel briefly that I am wanted.  I resent that I always, always get emotionally involved when guys seem that they can take or leave me.  And when I do find someone who cares, it’s hard for me to give myself over and be satisfied.  I’ve felt the stares and disgust from the girls I wish to be and it’s made me hate myself even more.  I’m only 20 but I’m trying to break myself of this pattern, like Kerry did, and I hope I can be as strong.  I’m so glad someone relatable has finally written about this because the need for affection is a serious problem among many young women and it can lead to wide-ranging problems. Too often, women who discuss the emotional pitfalls of casual sex are deemed not “sex-positive” and “bad feminists.” to the detriment of women who can benefit from the message.  Thank you Kerry for raising this serious issue and opening up discussion – you have helped more people than you know.

I am textbook.  I thought I was a messed up neurotic pup with no respect for myself but now I realise that the unpopular childhood and my mother leaving as all lead to me being just like hundreds of others out there!  You’ve given me hope, thank you so much xxx

My name, that is a question for later, however what is important now is my story.  I was raped everyday for three months when I was only twelve.  My mother’s boyfriend was the rapist.  Did he ever serve time? No. But, since that point I had this underlying fascination with sex.  I guess I officially lost my virginity at 16 in the front seat of a car. He was 4 years my senior and his 18 month old son was in the backseat sleeping. I never saw him again after that time. After that, I met this guy on myspace.com. Don’t we all love myspace? I barely knew him as well. He was seven years my senior. I skipped school one day so we could have sex in my parent’s bed.  That was pretty much the last time I saw him as well. Then I laid low, absorbing everything I had down, although not really regretting.  I dated off and on. There was no physical sex.  Lot’s of phone sex though, because that’s what guys want right? That’s all they think about right? My only job is to make them happy right? No matter what it takes.  Now, I am dating someone who has more years on me than either one of us would care to admit. The sex is great, we have this chemistry. But, it sometimes seems like it’s not enough.  I mean I love this man with all my heart and soul.  I would do absolutely anything in the world for him.  But there just seems to be something lacking. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I haven’t matured.

Hi im Crystal & I live in CALIFORNIA. I just turned 17 years old & im just touched by this story. I was online looking up “young females addicted to sex” and I came across “Loose girl”. Im so happy to have found someone like me. Kerry, you are “telling my story” and i feel blessed that i am not alone. At times, I feel unwanted and the only way I can feel like im worth something, is letting a guy in my pants. At first, I was looking for someone to love me, like a relationship type guy, but then I found out that guys are not looking for love. After I found that out, I just got used to letting guys do this to me, so now i am no longer looking for that special guy because it’s VERY hard to find him. I think now, im just lying to myself that these guys really do love me. After they get what they want, I feel like a piece of shit. While were having sex, im happy, but as I leave their house, im realizing that I just got used. Sex is something I think about every day, not one of these guys i’ve done it with has told me they loved me, it’s that easy. Sometimes I feel like no one even notices the things I do & it makes me sad…sometimes the only thing I have, is sex to make myself feel loved even tho im not. Im going to buy this book tomorrow & i know im going to find out more about myself. THANK you KERRY, you are truly amazing & im glad I’ve come across someone like me.

I lost my virginity in 1975 at age 14.  Really, it was rape.  After that I pretty much gave it out to whoever asked.  My family moved to Idaho about six months later and I thought I could wipe the slate clean.  But I wasn’t a Mormon, so I fell back into the role of burnout/loose girl again instead.  In high school I definitely was classified as a slut.  It wasn’t that I liked the sex; it was more the passion that I sought–the idea that I could get such a reaction, even briefly.  I convinced myself that all the attention meant I was “popular.”  A friend and I once attempted to make “the list” but I gave up at a number too high to list here.  Eventually I moved to Wisconsin (because of a guy, married no less).  That relationship ended and I met a man who didn’t ask questions about my past and loved me unconditionally.  I married him because my head told me that was how it should be, but deep down I didn’t love him.  He was good to me and we have two wonderful sons.  But I guess he was too good for me, or at least I have a need for bad boys who treat me like dirt.  He was too much a friend.  I began cheating on him and finally divorced him after 18 years because I felt it was unfair to him that I was still seeking that passion.  I’m now involved with a woman (who’d have thought?).  It’s passionate, but, really, she is just a bad boy in disguise… When will I ever learn? L, WI

I have not read your book yet. I will buy it tonight. I was raped for many years, which started when I was only 6. i believe this started my addiction – like the above story. I have been married for 5 years and if my husband only knew. I have only had sex with one person but I have gotten other attention from many guys the whole marriage. I have 4 guys right now that I am more than flirting with. One guy is twice my age – that is the one I would meet tonight and do whatever he wanted it the chance was there. It is a good thing that he is stronger than me. Even though we have done a lot more than we should he stops before we go too far. – Any is really too far – since we are both married. i want the attention – i have the scare of STD’s so that keeps me from having sex all the time. I attend church every Sunday. I know this is wrong. I just can’t stop. I want and crave that attention. I am young, pretty, and I know how to flirt.

My name is Jen. I was the loose girl for many years. I’m 31 now. It escalated when I got into College, everywhere I turned there was a new one. I can remember my boyfriend coming to see me for the first time and I came rushing up from another boys room having just had sex, only to then have sex with him. The male attention was so gratifying until after the sex when they would dodge calls time and again. Now the list is too disturbing to even try to calculate…and inevitably even if I try to make a list, there are many that get left out and I remember days later and just shake my head. I’m now married, to a guy that “knows everything” from before. But not from now. The loose girl is still alive and knocks at my door more often that I care to admit. Sometimes I think I’ve kept her at bay only to find her rear her ugly head for another round of excitement and challenge. I know what I’m doing is wrong, but I just can’t stop. I keep thinking that one day, when I’m older the loose girl will eventually have to die…but from reading the above stories, I realize that is not true. So I guess I just keep living my life without getting caught. My only addiction is men. Not coffee, not cigarettes, not alcohol, not drugs. Just men. I was happy to read this book. I hope I can stop this nonsense.

Hello, my story is a little different than the other people on here because it comes from a different perspective.  I am a male and did not participate in this direct sort of lifestyle.  My problems are a different story.  I was given this book to read by my girlfriend of 2 years.  We met on her original intention for a one night stand, but I’d never been one for casual sex and turned her down, but still called her back. After months of dating she had brought up before of her “loose girl behaviour” that she possessed in high school.  I was comprehensive of her situation because she also detailed her past sexual and physical abuse from prepubescent and teenage years, all of which produced the “loose girl” persona she demonstrated for nearly a decade, however I did not truly understand what it was and her true feelings behind it, leaving me a little judgemental at the time.  She read your book a few months back and asked me not to ask any more questions about her past until I read the book, and now that I have, I feel like I can truly understand what happened to her, and all the things that she did. I plan on marrying this girl someday, and the love is real from her end I can factually say.  Thank you for helping me to understand her past and to understand her better as a person.

My name is Frankie. I dealt with the same thing that Kerry did. I did countless drugs and let my ex-boyfriend do anything he wanted to me. Once, he even let his friends gangbang me. It was awful. When we broke up, I slept with guy after guy to fill the emptiness that I felt. I started cutting and became addicted to drugs. I became known as either That Girl That Cuts or That Slut. What no one knew, I just wanted to fall in love. I wanted someone to hold me and mean it when they said they love me. I felt like it would never happen, so summer of 2009, I snuck out whenever I could and slept with whatever guys wanted me for the night. We went to the park and I laid there while they did what they wanted to me then I walked home alone. I was always alone in the end and I hated it. Deep down, I knew I was gay, but I never did anything about it, no girls wanted me, but the boys did, so I just put up with them. I ended up overdosing two months ago and met a beautiful girl at the hospital who felt the same. We started to date and I found what I wanted. We haven’t had sex or done anything because I don’t want it to be like that anymore. I still feel the clinginess, but I don’t turn to sex for it. Girls, you’re worth so much more. I know it’s hard, but you have to realize that you don’t deserve to be used. Stay strong. :]

While I read this book, I marveled at how Kerry managed to capture so perfectly those moments an insecure girl feels, and what is going on internally, during promiscuious sex encounters. As an adult woman, I want so much for the young girls in my circle of influence to “get” this message. Sex as portrayed in MTV videos, and carefully scripted movies, is not a truthful or honest portrayal.Acting and/or dressing like a prostitute doesnt earn us anything but a bad reputation in real life. Sex is a means to true, deep intimacy and bonding, and that has to be based on a healthy relationship first. There are no short cuts in life. I related very closely to all of kerry’s story, and I am thankful that I was awakened to reality before I ruined my mental, physical and emotional health any further. This book is excellent reading and a wake up call for young girls heading in the same hurtful direction.

When I read this, I couldn’t believe it. I felt as though I was reading my own mind, like everything I’ve been trying to explain, was already written there on the page. Lately I’ve been thinking about who I am friends with. Do they really truly care? Sometimes I just feel like they don’t. I need the attention, the love, the touch of someone. So I go out with random boys/men. People I’ve known, my manager, my friend’s brothers, my friend’s ex boyfriends, boys with girlfriends, anyone who would think of me as sexy. Anyone who would talk to me, and tell me they want me. Even before seeing these guys, I knew it was probably a bad idea, but I didn’t care. I know it would show me that I was loved even for a little while. I crave this and I don’t find it hard to get. Just a simple text message saying, “Hey can I come over?” I’ve had pregnancy scares, when I wouldn’t even have known who the father was because there were multiple options. I have lists like Kerry. But when I read them, I feel like I’m missing someone…but I really wouldn’t remember their name if I thought long and hard. Is there something wrong that all I want is male attention? I feel lonely and this is how I cure it. But really, I am only satisfied for a few hours. And lately, I’ve been getting caught by my family and friends, thus disappointing them.

I’m lost, and confused.

Lauren, 17 Chicago, IL

I did not become a loose girl until I was 23. From the ages of 19 (when I lost my virginity) to 23, I only slept with 5 boys. But, I cheated on the last one (my first love, the only one I’ve met that I wanted to marry) 3 times and from the ages of 23 to 28, slept with 15 other men. So, here I stand at 28 years old with 20 men on my list… I know the numbers don’t matter, I know it might be more or less than you but it seems like a lot to me. Yet, I’ve stopped for now. I’m 4 months into a 6 month vow of celibacy. I didn’t know any other way to stop, really. And I have no idea what I’ll do when the 6 months are up – maybe do 6 more? Because, the truth is, as Kerry says, that self-awareness is the real answer – and I only became self-aware after I had to take 2 HIV tests where I really didn’t know what the outcome would be. That did wake me up. I don’t want to be “loose” and I don’t think I will be anymore…. But, I still want to be loved. More than anything, I want to be loved. And I know that I can stop the action of being loose, but I have no idea how to take away that want, that need. And I do love myself, I really do… but that doesn’t stop me wanting it from someone else as well. What to do? I don’t know. But reading the book and these comments makes me feel better and that’s enough for tonight.